Someone hurt my feelings this morning, and I started to write some big, long complaint about it. I got about two paragraphs in. My breathing was rapid, my fingers were flying over the keyboard, I was totally worked up. And then you know what happened? I hit some random combination of keys that erased half of what I’d written. Normally, I’d be panicked and try everything in my power to retrieve the text. But this morning, I realized I just needed to let it go.
In my life, I’ve spent a lot of time and energy trying to retrieve or maintain broken relationships. Sometimes I’ve hit the combination of keys to end them; sometimes it’s been the other person; sometimes we’ve hit them simultaneously. No matter what, it always hurts. But pain is part of living, and we all have moments of feeling unloved, unwanted, and unappreciated. We all also behave in ways that evoke those feelings in others. It’s inevitable. We’re human.
I have also spent a lot of time and energy being pissed and hurt and sad about these things. More than I should have and more than I care to admit. It’s embarrassing to be that invested in such negative feelings. It’s really a huge waste of time when you stop and think about how precious our time on this Earth is. Why waste it drowning in pain or spewing negativity?
I think the Universe was sending me a Big Message this morning when I inadvertently deleted my rant. I think She was telling me to let that shit go. I think She was telling me that not everyone knows my heart, and that’s OK. People are going to hurt me. I am going to hurt people. We’re all doing the best we can at any given moment, and sometimes hitting the right combination of keys to delete the garbage is just what we need.