My son turns 20 today, so I have successfully mothered two kids through their teen years. Woot! It is bittersweet with a special needs child, however, because even as you see how they’ve grown, you watch their peers continue to surpass them in so many ways.

While my peers discuss empty nesting, I discuss special needs trusts and worry about where my child will end up when I’m gone. He can do so many things and has made so much progress over the years, and he is still so dependent on the other adults in his life to keep him safe and cared for.

As I look back over photographs and videos of his past birthdays, I realize how little I knew about autism until it affected me directly. He was diagnosed at age 6, and in that birthday video, he shied away from the birthday singing and had a little meltdown that we had no idea was part of his autism.

Fourteen years later, he will tolerate and even enjoy the birthday song, and he is always ready for cake! That may seem small to some, but for us, it’s a big deal. I have learned to celebrate so many little triumphs with this kid. He is one of the most joyous people I have ever known.

Those who know him from school or his therapy center or even just in our community always tell me what a happy kid he is and how much they love to see his smiling face. He is usually singing and telling silly stories. And while most people generally have no idea what he’s talking about, his sunny disposition wins them over.

As his mother, I worry every day for him. I worry for his safety. I worry for his future. Worry, worry, worry.

For today, though, I will focus on his bright smile and silly stories and sing happy birthday as loudly or as quietly as he wants me to – or not at all if that’s his choice. We will probably have a dance party and sing and laugh. At the end of the night, I will ask for a hug that he will quickly and somewhat reluctantly give.

And that will be his birthday gift to me.