I might have made a very big mistake.

I have decided to do a 30-day detox.

Which removes coffee.

And sugar.

From my diet.

For 30 days.

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love coffee. I have enjoyed coffee all of my adult life, and it’s one of the things I look forward to every day. I’m the person who goes to bed looking forward to getting up and having that first cup. And then the second. There is typically a third cup somewhere between 10am and noon, and then a fourth at 3:13 (weird but true). Needless to say, I enjoy my coffee habit, and truly, it’s my only vice.

Except sugar. Which I also love. And which generally accompanies said cups of coffee throughout the day. I’ve been known to enjoy blueberry muffins, chocolate chip cookies, donuts, cake, pie, and even the occasional strawberry frosted PopTart with my coffee. I wouldn’t say it’s a “problem,” per se, but it is a habit.

Per se.

I am going to eliminate both coffee and sugar from my life for 30 days. Um? Even as I type that, I shudder. I don’t even know if I should write about this or not because “they” say if you tell people what you’re doing, you’re less likely to accomplish your goal. (I call bullshit on that, though, because I told EVERYONE I know I was done with alcohol and haven’t had a drink in over 4 years, so there’s that.) Plus, the people who know me need a little warning.

The anxiety tells me there’s probably a little (ok, probably A LOT) of addiction to both the coffee and the sugar. And I’m stubborn enough to kick them to the curb for 30 days just to prove to myself that I don’t NEED them to function. I also like to treat these kinds of things like science experiments. I’m looking forward to seeing how I feel OFF the sugar and coffee. Maybe I’ll feel like shit. (Hell, I know I will at first.) But I’m hopeful that at the end of the month, I’ll feel clearer, more alert, and less sluggish.

I’m eliminating some other common dietary ingredients: gluten, dairy, artificial garbage. But it’s the coffee and sweets that I’ll miss most. It’s going to make me grumpy, so please consider this an advanced apology.

Friends & family, I love you. Please keep in mind that I’m off my drugs of choice (seriously, WTF?!), and I’m sorry for what you may have to endure the next 30 days.

And so, I begin.

Right after this donut and latte.