Have you ever felt judged for decisions you’re making in your life? My guess is your answer is yes. Most of us, at one point or another, feel like others are scrutinizing the choices we’re making and passing judgment on them. Hell, we might have even had someone tell us straight up we’re making bad choices – that’s certainly happened to me. Feeling judged is uncomfortable, but I think we can use that uncomfortableness to our advantage if we think about it a little differently.

Feeling judged typically puts us on the defensive. We want to justify our actions or words or decisions. We want to explain WHY we are doing the things we do. But the thing is, if you’re feeling defensive, you probably need to stop for a second and evaluate your actions or words or decisions. Maybe your choices ARE hurting you or the people in your life. Take a minute to really look at them. If you’re a hundred percent comfortable with the choices you’re making for yourself, why do you need to defend them? Your choices are yours to make, and the consequences of those choices are yours to reap.

Unless your decisions are directly affecting them, other people’s opinions about what you are or aren’t doing are irrelevant. And people probably aren’t discussing your life as much as you might think they are. There is a saying that “you wouldn’t worry as much about people discussing you if you knew how little they actually do.” People are mostly worrying about themselves and their own choices and spend very little time focused on you. Spending your mental energy worrying about what people think of you and what you’re doing is a waste of time and, frankly, it’s narcissistic.

I spent a lot of time in the past worrying about what others thought of me. As I’ve aged and gone through difficult times, I’ve learned to worry less and less about what people think of me or my life choices. Overall, I know I’m a kind and decent person who tries her best to make sound decisions for herself and her family. I do the best I can in any given situation, and I don’t have time to sit around and wonder what others think about it. They’re not the ones living with the consequences of my choices, are they?

Other people’s thoughts and judgments on your life are totally irrelevant to your life, kids. What they think, if your choices do not affect them, doesn’t matter. Focus on your own shit and keep moving forward.