About two years ago, I received an email from someone whom I’d loved and considered family for over 20 years. In the email, this person accused me of things I never did or said, insulted me repeatedly, and even threatened me with blackmail. To say I was shocked to receive it would be a huge understatement. I wasn’t sure what to do and honestly couldn’t believe what I was reading. In the past, I might have gotten my panties in a bunch and reacted with an equally vile response.

But I didn’t.

I’ve learned through the years that what people think of you is none of your business. (Someone important said that, I think, but I’m too lazy to look that up at the moment.) I used to care way too much about other peoples’ opinions, and it caused me to ignore my own boundaries and priorities. And while it still stings a little and causes me some discomfort, I’ve learned that sometimes – especially if people are being abusive – it’s okay to take care of myself in the way I deem most appropriate.

In this situation, shocked and hurt, I chose to ignore that email. It was so incredibly painful to read that there would be no good response other than to remove that person from my life – which was heartbreaking. It also required removing other former family members from my life as well because it was clear that this person had not come to these false conclusions on their own.

I really had to look at what mattered in my life at that moment. Did it matter what I said in response? No. This person was just spewing their own pain out into the world. Did it really have anything to do with me? Maybe on some level for them, but I knew I hadn’t done the things they said. As for the blackmail, well, that was laughable because the people they threatened to tell my “secret” to already knew it and had known it for years. In fact, I’ve even written about it right here in this very blog; it’s no secret.

It is so tempting when someone purposely hurts you to turn right around and say, “Listen here, asshole, you have NO idea what you’re talking about, and in fact, let me tell you a few things about YOURself…”

But would that matter? Would it help anything besides bringing more pain into the world?

So, I ignored, blocked, unfriended, etc. I did what we do in these times to eliminate my contact with this person and those who were part of that situation. It hurt to do that; these were people I loved, mind you. What mattered then, though, and still matters to this day, was to remove myself from their abuse and vitriol. What mattered was making sure not to put myself in the path of their disrespect and dysfunction. What mattered was taking care of me.

Not every attack deserves a response. Sometimes it just takes focusing on what really matters.