The Highly Defensive

Have you ever had to deal with a highly defensive person? The kind of person who, when asked about anything, jumps to deflect, defend, minimize, or dismiss?

Highly defensive people have very little ability to look at themselves, to question their behaviors or thoughts, or to make corrections. They typically lack compassion and empathy. They are unable to maintain intimate relationships, in particular, because the people closest to them are continually ignored and blamed for anything that might bring conflict to the relationship.

Highly defensive people are typically chronic victims. Any possible criticism is boomeranged right back at anyone who dares offer it. Instead of openly listening and considering feedback, a highly defensive person will begin listing all the reasons why the critic is wrong, why the critic is crazy, why the critic needs to be ignored. In a nutshell, highly defensive people want the critics to SHUT UP.

And here’s what I say to that.

FUCK THAT. Do not ever shut up. If you are being ignored, blamed, boomeranged, or otherwise mistreated, SPEAK UP. If you see someone berating, mocking, or otherwise abusing another human being, SPEAK UP. If you are in an intimate relationship where any of the above is happening to you, LEAVE. And never, for one second, believe you are alone and that you don’t matter. Get help if you need it because I guarantee you, someone close to you is willing to help.

The world will never eradicate assholes. So let’s just do our best not to BE them.

Deal?

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