It is not only OK, but also very necessary, that you sometimes choose yourself.
That’s going to be a novel concept to many people. Being a professional excuse-maker, red flag over-looker, and people pleaser sometimes serves us because we’re doing those things for people who appreciate them. But oftentimes, we end up getting burned.
You want me to do some freelance work for you, and you take forever and a day to pay me? That’s OK because you’re so nice, and I don’t really need the money anyway!
You want to passive-aggressively insult my looks? That’s OK because I’m in your home for this lovely dinner that you’ve prepared for me!
You want to borrow half my home library and never return the books? That’s OK because they’re just books, and I can replace them!
You want to cheat on me for two years but not divorce me? That’s OK because I know you love me, and you’re in the midst of a horrible midlife crisis!
You want to sling monkey shit at me and laugh? That’s OK because I don’t really mind standing here covered in monkey shit at all if it makes you happy!
The problem with not choosing yourself is that you get screwed – and not in the fun way. By allowing people to disrespect and steamroll you, you’re teaching them that this treatment is an acceptable way to interact with you. And most likely, it isn’t. In these cases, you have got to choose yourself.
This is not being selfish; this is being selfFULL.
Taking care of you is your job and only your job. Other people can enhance your life, but only YOU are able to 100% meet your own needs. And it is only from that place of selfFULLNESS that you can really, genuinely give to anyone else. Choosing yourself isn’t always comfortable, especially if you’re not used to it. Choosing yourself is going to feel really, really weird if you’re used to hoop-jumping for others.
If you practice it, though, it gets easier. And as you get better at it, you’ll find that as long as you’re operating from a place of love and kindness for yourself, it becomes almost impossible to hurt anyone else’s feelings because of it. And that’s what we pleasers are always worried about: other people’s feelings.
Here’s the thing. Other people’s feelings are not our business. They belong to them. Their feelings are THEIRS to choose and be responsible for. If we choose ourselves, and we take responsibility for our own feelings, that’s a full-time job in and of itself. And if you get it together enough to become so selfFULL that you’re able to choose yourself on the regular, you’re going to find that all that energy you used making excuses and figuring out other people’s bullshit is much better put toward bringing goodness into the world with your other, equally amazing, gifts.
Plenty of people will be happy to sling monkey shit at you if you let them. Do yourself a huge and necessary favor.
Choose yourself – and duck!