Bit By Bit

My house is empty except for some junk in the garage that needs to go to the dump. It was a week and half of moving everything to our new place, and I think we’re finished with all that – finally! Now to get the house listed…

My realtor is amazing. She’s helped with paint, scheduling cleaners, and is loaning us her truck to haul shit this weekend. She’s calm and organized in what feels like the most exhausting time of my life! What a gift.

I walked through my empty echo-y house the other day, remembering what it looked like when we were house shopping exactly 21 years ago. There was no such thing as staging back then, and the house was dark and dated. I didn’t want to buy it, but my then-husband convinced me that it would be beautiful once we did a little work. Ten years of remodeling proves he was right. It’s a beautiful home.

Meanwhile, I’ve spent all my spare minutes unpacking and using every bit of space in our new “downtown” apartment. We’ve gone from 2100 to 1300 square feet, but the floor plan is open and light, and our bedrooms are bigger here even though we’ve only got two. The sun came out this week, and I realized we have a view of the mountains! I’m looking at it as the sun comes up.

The dog is adjusting, and my son will come home from his dad’s today. He hasn’t slept here yet, as I figured it best to have things mostly put away and calm when he gets here. He’s excited to have a TV in his room and to be able to walk to the store and restaurants and the ice cream shop! I hope he loves it.

As for me, I can resoundingly say that I love it. I had some trepidation the day the movers came, and I had to step out onto the deck at the house with J and have a cry. He held me in his arms and told me what a great job I was doing and that it was totally fine to be sad about such a big move. Now that we’ve been here a week, my trepidation is gone.

It’s a light-filled, perfectly sized place close to everything we need. And as the days tick by until the house is listed, I feel lighter and lighter with each one that passes. Releasing that house is the last bit of a shattered dream for me. Staying there kept my heart bound up in ways I didn’t realize until I started moving.

Bit by bit, I’ve felt those bonds loosen and drop away. I know on closing day, the last one will release its grip, and I will breathe a deep sigh of relief.

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